Writing Competition (Bettie Entry)

Apple Pie A la Mode

By Bettie

Are you sure?

Yeah. I got straight from the big man himself.

Shit.

Yeah.

How soon?

Tomorrow.

Shit

Yeah.

Can I get you folks some more coffee?

Sure.

Sir?

Yeah, Okay.

Aw, y’all look so sad, would you like some pie?

Yeah, okay.

Great! We have apple, pea-

Apple’s fine.

I’ll put a great big heap of ice cream on top for you, okay?

Thanks.

I’d fuck her.

You’d fuck anything that moved.

Not everything. I don’t want to fuck a dog.

That implies that you’d fuck some sort of animal.

Well, today I might, fuck it, why not?

You’re gross.

Says the woman who fucked a cucumber.

Many people have fucked cucumbers. It’s a thing.

Here’s your pie!

Shirley, you’ve fucked a cucumber, haven’t you?

I-what?

You know, gotten so horny you go and get a cuke out the fridge and fuck yourself with it

I don’t think I should-

Oh come on. You don’t know us, we don’t know you. Who we gonna tell?

I-um- uhhh

Don’t worry about it, Shirl. Thanks for the pie.

Um, okay.

Why you gotta be such an asshole?

What? I wanted to prove to you that it’s a thing.

But cmon, shes a nice girl.

Nice ass too.

You’re fucking gross.

So tomorrow?

Yeah.

What’s gonna happen?

Boss says it’s gonna be amazing.

Hail and brimstone?

I don’t know.

Just “Spectacular” he said.

Wow.

Yeah.

So what now?

What about us you mean?

Yeah.

It’s over tomorrow.

I know. Everything’s over tomorrow

We had plans.

I know.

Maybe we can speed it up?

Maybe. I don’t want to be there for it.

I don’t either.

What do you suggest?

We can get some pills, or a gun.

Guns are messy. Let’s do the pills.

Okay.

You’re oddly calm about it.

I’m with you. Nothing can faze me.

Damn.

Any regrets?

I guess I wish I had told you earlier I loved you.

Tell me now.

I love you, Maggie.

I love you, Sam.

I’ll miss you.

We’ll be together, there.

Yeah, but I’ll miss you here.

Okay, once.

What?

With a carrot

A carrot?

It was huge

Didn’t think you had it in you, Shirley.

Here’s a twenty.

Oh wow, thanks. But you just had coffee.

And pie

And pie. Are you sure?

Sure, Shirley.

Thanks.

No problem.

Maggie?

Yeah?

Let’s go. We have a few drugstores to hit up.

Have a good day you two!

Thanks Shirley! Stay away from that salad!

Oh Maggie.